Cause I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep.

Too simple to describe, too shallow to carve out a definiton, too many reasons I can't tell, too much complications you can't comprehend. I need a sign, to keep me going, to sustain this life that's so battered.

Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 5:38 PM

my dying heart once again mourn

I felt as though it was the end of universe today. Twinges of sorrow and no one to run to.

Haven't felt so lost for some time, haven't felt this weak, haven't felt this desperation. The familiar heartache and the aching void where I had once been was a million times worse than I would envisaged.

World of self denial.

"But no matter what, you’re in denial.
You hide your feelings so no one would know.
You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through.
You’re so used to hiding your feelings that
you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself.
Your thoughts become invisible.
It’s still there, but no one knows.
Like a love letter you didn’t show.
And you’re hurting no one but yourself."

Sorry I'm giving up on the world. Because I don't think any soul out there understand how I'm feeling within now. After living in my own world for 15 hours, I have finally came to a conclusion.

So much more than it can't be simply be put into words. It's like an endless miserable loop. I can't sum them all up. It's too much.

I'd rather people not know and continue their lives.

What the fuck is with the forgetting to bring house keys, forgetting to collect change and breaking my mum's ceramic bowl when I can move it aside instead of letting it slip off.

No one will feel sorry. I brought this upon myself. I'm sorry that this is what I deserve. I'm sorry that it keeps me up all night. I'm sorry that it tortures and torment me. I'm sorry that I hurt myself but that's nobody's business.

有些东西是深深地烙印在心理，挖也挖不下去，只能让它默默地埋在角落，像个男子汉，一个人承受。